Living my life so recklessly these days. This whole “old enough to know better, too young to care” mentality is really starting to take its toll. Wavering. Unsure. Confused. What am I doing? Need guidance.
In recent times, I’ve been stressed out due to a wide array of “problems.” It’s always this and that tugging at me from all the nooks and crannies of the world. Keeping things in, and letting it all build up. Tossing and turning at night, never getting to sleep at a decent hour. It’s always times like this, the times I turn into a complete insomniac, that I begin to write. My outlet.
Today, it hit me. A wake up call much needed smacked me across the face. To be quite frank, I tend to zone out during sermons… not because I get bored, but because one thing the pastor says gets my mind going as I think of another somewhat related thing which leads to another thing which leads to another thing completely off topic… And today was no different.
The sermon title had something to do with “peace be with you” or “find peace in God” or something about peace… I can’t recall exactly. What I got out of the message was this:
If I trusted in God and trusted that he will take care of me, there would be no need to get stressed out.
It’s always a nice reminder to know that He will provide. Always.
So what I’m trying to say is, through this jumbled mess of a post, trust in Him and your stresses will be relieved.
Ten Daily Reminders
1. Show gratitude daily. Look at the world with wide-eyed wonder and appreciate the places where goodness and grace abound. Bundle words of thanks as a gift to those you love. Offer a song of praise in both the easy and hard places. (Colossians 3:17)
2. Be honest. Know your weaknesses and trust God to bridge the gaps. Recognize your gifts and talents, not your own ability. Be eager to receive in love when truth is spoken to you. Wrap the feedback you give in tenderness. (Colossians 3:9-10)
3. Take responsibility. Look in the mirror, not out of the window when things go wrong. Be quick to apologize and seek forgiveness. Own what do and do well what you own. (2 Peter 1:10)
4. Choose contentment. Focus on where you are right now and be anxious for nothing. Carry the burden for those that have less and celebrate those that have more. Accept that the season you are in as exactly where God wants you to be. (Philippians 4:6-7)
5. Affirm others. Share the good you see in others that they may not be able to see in themselves. Value people and let them know they matter to you. Create new possibilities and always believe the best. (Philippians 1:3,27)
6. Move in quiet confidence. Embrace the mercy and grace allotted for you each day, and then give them both away. Know there’s not a mistake you can make that God hasn’t already covered. Remember that same grace covers your neighbor, too.(Isaiah 43:2)
7. Be forgiving. Forgive offenses as soon as they happen. Expect nothing and give everything, no matter how much the world thinks you’ve been wronged. Strive to understand before you’re understood. (Colossians 3:13)
8. Live to serve. Be quick to help, even when it’s not convenient. Offer your best to improve someone’s ideas or situation and ‘gift’ him or her the credit for it. Make following first be the way you lead. Do everything you do all for Him. (Colossians 3:23,24)
9. Be teachable. Keep your heart wide open. Admit what you don’t know and allow people to pour into your life. Let all you learn bless and be a blessing to others. (Jeremiah 33:3)
10. Extend kindness. Approach each day with gentleness and generousity. Find unexpected ways to surprise and bring delight. Give in secret what only you can give. (Romans 12:10,11,13)
(Source: spiritualinspiration, via gracieefer)
I don’t know what I want at this point in my life. I’ve always been so bad at making decisions on my own. I’ve always been more worried about other people than myself. Not in the “I care excessively about what other people think of me” kind of way. But I’m the type of person that could be in a room full of people bored out of my mind, but if my friends are having a blast, I’m having a blast. That’s what matters most. People think I’m so independent and while in more cases than some, I am, but in more cases than I would wish, I’m not. I like when people tell me what to do. I like when people make decisions for me. I’m too timid to be bold. I’m honestly just… confused. Can’t expect you to know what I want when I don’t even know what I want.
The Story of Kyle
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him, and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before, but we talked all the way home, and I carried his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.
We hung out all weekend, and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.
On graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech, so I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach — but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life.
(via vagueabstraction)
Take what you get :)
Today, I somehow managed to wake up before 10am, get ready, and drive to Angela’s house. Stood outside for a while due to the fact that both Angela and her sister were sleeping and ignoring my doorbell ringing…. -__- Anyways, we did some shopping at Discover Mills and then left to Atlantic Station. I understand that this post seems a bit pointless, as if I’m writing in a diary or something, but I promise I will get to a point eventually.
Why did we go to Atlantic Station?
First and foremost, I’ve been living life these days with a happy, breezy, take every opportunity that comes my way, not taking things too seriously but at the same time knowing my boundaries, nothing’s gonna bring me down type of attitude.
With that being said, I got an opportunity to try out for a up and coming show on the CW. Ridiculous, right? In the past, every time some crazy, far-fetched idea came my way, I always blew it off, thinking “that would never actually happen” or “this is definitely a hoax”.. but later, I would always kind of regret not going for it, thinking “what if”… PUAHAHA trust me, not that I actually think that I would really make it into any of those “entertainment” type industries nor do I really wish to pursue it as a career or something, but it’s fun to dream. Don’t judge.
Anyways, I thought about this opportunity and decided to take it.
So I brought Angela along, and we both ended up doing a casting audition on the spot. We did not know what to expect in the slightest bit. It literally happened so quickly in my mind. We got there. I got called up. I introduced myself to a huge camera RIGHT in my face. I was handed a dialogue script and had to read lines. Let me tell you, it was THE most awkward, uncomfortable, and for some reason, most nerve-wrecking experience of my life. I literally spit out the gum I was chewing and stuck it in my pocket as I was walking to where you read lines b/c I forgot that I was chewing it and didn’t know what else to do LOL In other words, I panicked.
But at the end of it all, no matter how terrible of a performance I gave and no matter how badly I would like for them to burn that video clip of me… It was such an amazing and fun experience. It was actually extremely extremely fun, and I’m really happy I went through with it.
What I’m trying to get across with this message is, take risks, take opportunities, put yourself out there even if it means making a fool of yourself. Because if the experience alone isn’t worth it, I can assure you, regret is a much worse feeling.
Have fun with life :)
Maybe…
Maybe the love of your life doesn’t have to be the man you eventually marry.
Maybe it isn’t the guy who took you to your senior prom.
Maybe it isn’t your first love, first kiss, or first butterflies.
Maybe it’s your best friends, who know when you’re sick, sad, or scared.
Maybe it’s your dad who never thinks any man will be good enough for you.
Maybe it’s those rare, precious memories that put your mind at ease.
Or maybe the love of your life is simply, all the love in your life.
Dear Lizzie,
Why the need to feel so strong and independent all the time? We all have our downfalls, our struggles, and our worries. Just know that it’s okay to need someone sometimes and it’s alright to be dependent on someone every once in a while. Sometimes, we need someone to lean on too. Sometimes, we are the ones in dire need of the encouragement.
Especially on days like this, a little pick me up would be so nice. That’s what makes surprises so appealing to me. The littlest things can change someone’s day so drastically; I promise. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice to people. Let me tell you this: No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
And with these acts of kindness comes love… never-ending, boundless love. People will come along and try to limit you. Don’t let it happen. That’s like saying it’s okay to never reach your full potential. It’s just not right. I think Khloe Kardashian said it best. “Love is such a positive thing, and I don’t understand why people want to put limitations on it and define what their ideal scenario for love should be. I just don’t think that’s appropriate.”
College is rough. I know I’m only a freshman and it’s only been a month, but boyyyy, is it rough. College severs bonds and solidifies others. It puts distance between you and the ones you love. A bit evil if you ask me, but it teaches you so much in return. It forces your real friends to step up while the rest take place in the shadows of your memories.
They say bad company corrupts good character, but why can’t good character inspire “bad company.” (The quotes for the ambiguous meaning of “bad company.” Who are we to judge who “bad company” is anyways?) Why is it that much easier to pull someone off the chair than to pull someone up onto the chair with you. Cruel world.
Guard your thinking today. Don’t accept every thought that comes knocking on the door of your mind.
Learn to live.
Cheat on your fears.
Break up with any doubts.
And go marry your dreams.
I’m determined to chase after my dreams. Actually, not just chase them, but achieve them.
And no matter what happens along the way, I will always feel fortunate, blessed, and content to have this life. It may not always be perfect, of course, but I really couldn’t ask for more.
